# blueollie

## Crisis of confidence: as you get older…

I am lucky that a Facebook friend gave me a playful taunt about the Steamboat 15K. She is a Bradley graduate and a stepdaughter of a retired colleague who will be back in town for the 15K.

Now I’ve never done well at this race. My times have ranged from a high 1:07 (1999, as a runner) to 1:41 last year, and 1:48 as a walker. I haven’t seen sub 1:10 since 1999, sub 1:20 since 2002 and my last sub 1:30 was 2014 (when I was much faster in the 5K). 1:35 would be a great goal for me.

But never mind that.

What got me to thinking about this post is all of the silly memes aimed at new runners..you know those that say “take “never” out of your vocabulary”, etc. Yeah, I get it: most new runners are capable of doing better than they think is possible.

But I am in a different place.

Yes, I’ve finished 60 events of a marathon or beyond. But what sticks in my mind more are the 7 DNFs, including one time I dropped from a 100 at mile 50 (with a time I’d love to do in a 50 miler) and got 20 more. (pacing others). I remember the literally hundreds of bad workouts I’ve had instead of the successful ones.

Even today: it was cool, (37 F) and dry (for now) and I decided to try my very hilly 8.1 mile “Cornstalk” course (10 good uphills in the middle 6 miles). My time was slow (1:36:01; 48:40/47:20) but I was more worried about being able to complete the workout than anything else. Yes, I’ve done slower. I’ve also done this in the low 1:20’s and faster over the past 2-3 years; it seems as if I’ve been awful since my October marathon. Part of it is 10 extra pounds, I think. Part of it was leg weights yesterday, and part of it was the long lay-off from training.

So, my confidence: I am having trouble distinguishing not having enough confidence and being realistic. After all, the last time I broke 1:30 for the Steamboat, I was running sub 25 minute 5Ks. Now, the equivalent time is 28 minutes; do the math.

And I’ve run half marathons (13.1 miles) faster than today’s 8.1 mile workout time. UGH.

May 3, 2017

## Pet Peeves on Social Media..

First, workout notes: I had trouble kicking myself out the door. Finally at 8:30 I walked 2 miles, lifted : rotator cuff, 5 x 10 pull ups, bench: 10 x 135, 5 x 185, 4 x 185, 10 x 135 incline, dumbbell military: 20 x 50 seated supported, 2 sets of 10 x 45, 3 sets of 10 x 110. Then 2 miles on the treadmill: 2-2-2-2 then 6.7 from about .7 to 1, then up .1 mph every .25 to 2, then 7.2 (10:38, 8:39, 2.09 in 20 minutes).

Tracy treated me to nachos; that was lovely..friendship lunch dates are among my favorite things…then grading. Ugh. The students did well though.

Social media I got a reminder that I don’t always “get” what someone else is doing when they post something on Twitter or Facebook. Sometimes they want to vent or express sans feedback of any kind. Someone posted an article that said a poll showed that the White House was more trusted than the political media (37 percent to 29 percent) and I replied that I’ve seen evidence of that in the “letters to the editor” section of the paper. I got a series of angry tweets in response. So..I unfollowed the person though I put no ban on them seeing my stuff.

That got me to thinking about MY pet peeves.

What others do on their walls: That is basically their own business; if I like it I read it and follow it; if I don’t, I won’t. It only becomes my business if they tag me. Some have a green light to tag me because I almost always like it when they do. Others have become a nuisance which I why I have “timeline review” for tags; I remove the ones I do not like.

The tricky stuff is knowing who wants discussion from me and who doesn’t. If I find the person doesn’t want discussion from me, I will post the link to their article on my own wall and talk about it there. That appears to be a good work around.

What others do on my wall Ok, here is what I don’t like:

1. Sanctimonious finger wagging: often this happens when a “friend of a friend” follows them onto my wall and proceeds to tell me that I am being XXXist or violating some rule that they think should be imposed on everyone. This appears to occur when a conservative friend comes onto my wall but sometimes comes from a social justice warrior. z

Now there is a short list of friends that I permit to call me out, but it is a very short list, and they have to be someone that I have deep respect for. I’d say about a 2 dozen people fall into that category and you can tell who they are because they either have a photo with me or they are frequent guest.

2. Attempting to play with me without knowing me well: my online persona is a socially hapless, very dumb billy goat. So many of my online friends insult me and I take it..I even have a meme set called “you’ve been dissed”. Sometimes someone I do not know well attempts to join in and I delete their comments. This play is for certain “special friends” that I’ve established a friendship with; they have to be people that I already like quite a bit.

3. Jumping in inappropriately into some thread that is not for them. For instance: I have many friends who like to either run or walk long distances. So I might say something to my running friends and some jackass will jump in “you wouldn’t catch me running even if…” or they might say how they don’t like football, baseball or something else. I delete those comments too and if someone becomes insufferable, I boot them off for good. Exception: I do allow a handful of selected friends…ok, make that one selected friend, some leeway here.

4. Stupid discussion. Yes, I am a liberal but am open to different points of view, so long as they are competent points of view. I don’t permit from SFB to attempt to refute a climate scientist with some jerkoff’s youtube video, or for creationists to spout their bullshit or someone to compare Obama’s “57 states” (he meant “states and territories”) slip of the tongue to the outrageous bullshit that Trump spouts almost daily. And I do not entertain Fox News/Breitbart fantasies on my wall.

If you want to quote some conservative University of Chicago economist, or some respected mainstream conservative jurist, that is ok.

But I refuse to entertain arguments that I rejected back in high school.

April 30, 2017

## Fun with the mundane….

Yes, I ran a 5K this morning. And yes, I cut the grass for the first time in 2017. That wasn’t fun, though I wanted to get a photo of the tulips for Barbara, who is in Cuba.

But I also saw something more gruesome: there were the remains of a bunny that became a meal for a predator. Nature…

No, the yard was not entertaining. But I did have dinner with a dear friend on Friday, and a different dear friend tonight. THAT was fun.

And there was Bradley baseball: it turns out that the starting pitcher and one of the relief pitchers were/are students of mine. Oh the game: that didn’t go so hot; Bradley lost to Illinois State 9-4 based on the first inning (3 runs) and the 7’th (5 runs, all of which came AFTER 2 outs). ISU got 4 hits and 3 runs in the first and were more or less held in check for the next 5 innings. But the ISU starter struck out 7 in 5 1/3 innings.

The day was sunny but windy which made it chilly in the shade; note the fans seeking out the sunny areas.

For a few innings, I had the volleyball team sitting next to and around me (they came next to my seat when I went to the restroom between innings; they were seeking the sunny areas.

So, the loss aside, it was a fun weekend so far.

April 23, 2017

## Not giving up on a workout too early

I decided to try to run outside. And my first .25 miles were TERRIBLE; it was almost as if I could barely breathe and my legs felt like lead. I even walked a few steps.
But I stayed with my shuffle and made it to the first downhill section (Bradley Park) and by then, I had started to sweat and all was good from there out.
For some reason, there are days when the first mile feels like death.

The weather was pretty and I did my “jog, then run up the hills “hard” (say, 1 mile race intensity), walk a few steps to recover, jog and repeat. So I did 6 “hard” repetitions total and I even timed my final hill: 2:10 (better than any of my repetitions a week ago). This was from the gate in lower Bradley park to the parking lot entrance in upper Bradley Park. The whole workout took 1:02 to do (5.1 miles) and I am glad I stuck with it.

By the way: in statistics class, I am teaching about ANOVA. I used my own 5K run data from 2012 to now; my slowdown is about 20-25 seconds for the 5K per year. That adds up and seems to fit back to the late 1990’s.

I joked with my wife about the following: if she posts that she, say, finished a 4 mile walk at, say, an 18-19 minute per mile pace (she is, well, “elderly”..though it is hard for me to think of her that way), get gets 100+ “likes” and tons of complements (“you go girl”, etc.). If I post that I finished a marathon, MY FB friends critique my time and give consolation if it is worse than expected, kudos if it is better than expected.

Why I mention this: I have a FB friend that I’ve grown quite fond of. But she has serious injury history; I jokingly referred to her as “Humpty-Dumpty”. She finished a mile walk and I was genuinely overjoyed; I like her and love it that she is working toward taking care of herself and pushing through some pain to do so. So my praise WAS genuine, even if it was less than what my wife can currently do.

And we had a talk about having a “1 mile body but a 6 mile mind”; pre-injury she could easily walk 14 miles (albeit many years ago).

April 19, 2017

## Opening training for the Steamboat 15K: I’ve gotten soft.

I slept in a bit and didn’t start my run until 9 am. That was ok; the Steamboat 15K is almost always run in heat and humidity so I need to get used to it. It was 69 F at the start; 75 F at the end but the humidity went from 68 to 55; in other words, not that much.

I chose a “Steamboat simulation” course: behind the Riverplex ..NO goose loop, NO ball field wall. I did pass an interesting looking accident; there was a wrecked automobile across the railroad tracks near the ball field. That altered my route just a little bit. Then up Abdington to the path along Perry into lower Sprindale. I went the normal route, turned left at the bridge and hugged the right turn path up the hill to Prospect then went down the other direction. Once down, I went to the entrance, back on the regular path and past the bottom of Soldier hill, turning around and doubling back at the sidewalk; the map says that this was 3.95 miles or so. It was 48 minutes when I started the double back.

Once I got to the Rivertrail again I noticed a 5K race in progress. I sped up (return leg was 45 minutes, or 3 minutes faster, most of it on this stretch) and I went back and forth with one of the 5K runners (a younger male). I had spied a MILF rocking a pair of granny panty lines but she got away. Then I walked enough of a cool down to get to 8 miles total.

Then to the weight room. On one hand, my weight workout was low energy. But on the other hand, all that sweating made me lighter; my 5 sets of 10 pull ups went very, very well.

pull ups, rotator cuff
bench press (sucked) 10 x 135, 2 x 185, 5 x 170, incline press: 10 x 135
military presses (dumbbells) sucked: 5 x 50, 10 x 45, 10 x 40
rows: machine: 10 x 90, 140, 140.
There is usually some “hot babe” doing squats and this time was no exception; very tight “Los Angeles Laker purple” spandex leggings.
Then came a diet Dr. Pepper; lady …more eyestrain.

Oh, the workout summary: very low energy in the weight room; the 5K race runners sped me up a bit. Perhaps I was doing low to mid 9’s on the way back?
But the “bottom” line…LOL…is that I’ve gotten very, very soft. My run started off badly; I even thought about modifying it but told myself “STFU you big baby..quit being such a whiner”.

Then came pre Easter dinner with the family. Good stuff.

Thursday: I participate in a walking group; we are now up to 2.25-3 miles

April 15, 2017

## Minor League Baseball and Friends: happy to let them go…

The Peoria Chiefs (low A, Midwest League) start up this month, but I’ll spend most of my “baseball time” watching Bradley and pick up the Chiefs in May.

The Chiefs made the playoffs the past two years. But last year: by the time they got to the playoffs they weren’t the same team; most of their good players had been promoted.

And that is how it goes in minor league ball: you start to get attached to a player and you want them to do well. But when they do well, they leave, as they well should. And though you miss seeing them, you are happy for them.

Sometimes, something similar happens to one’s friends. A few weeks ago, my wife said “you probably won’t be training with X now that they have a love interest that runs”…and my reply was “I hope not.” She looked surprised, but then understood exactly what I meant.

Workout notes Weird. I still have a scratchy, “sometimes” cough and feel slightly weak; this is a continuation of what I had last week. But weights went very well:

rotator cuff, pull ups (5 sets of 10: strong)
bench press: 10 x 135, 4 x 190 (wanted to keep the hips down), 10 x 170 (strict)
military press: dumbbell, 10 x 50, 10 x 45, 10 x 45
rows: 3 sets of 10 x 110 machine
incline: 3 sets of 10 x 160 (45/35 on each side) Hammer machine

I tried to run…no dice, walked 5 miles outside instead. The gates to the hills of Bradley Park are now open; beautiful day but some traffic. I got shocked into picking it up on the way back..a young woman who was walking deliberately was gaining on me. My “mind wandering walk” is no longer fast; I have to be deliberate and concentrate.

April 2, 2017

## Eating alone with an opposite sex person who isn’t related: ok or not?

Note: I am using a simple “male/female” model here, and assuming that the woman and man are not related, not married to each other, and that at least one of them has a spouse and that their marriage is NOT open (e. g. sexual and romantic fidelity is expected).

This poll is motivated by the recent revelation that Vice President Pence “does not dine alone with a female that isn’t his wife”.

Disclaimer: I often share meals, workouts, sporing events, with opposite sex friends. But certain caveats apply; spouse has to know and approve (nothing kept secret) and, in general, these friends are my spouse’s friends as ell. And common sense applies: a hike, run, lunch buffet or a basketball game is very different than a candlelight dinner.

## Harsh, blunt but to the point

I’ve referred to this article “6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person”. It starts this way:

For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here’s the catch — you’re not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I’m a nice guy, I’m honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

Now…I am not going to do that….not that I haven’t done so. And clearly this article applies to the workplace; really, you are paid your salary to do your job well. And yes, it applies to what WE like: we cheer for champions, we seek the best value for our money; we spend our money on things that work well, we like pilots that can fly well, lawyers that win our case or settlement, doctors and physical therapists that heal us, etc.

But for today, I’ll focus on friendships. And yes, this is very true for me.

I have a variety of friends, both on social media and in person. What makes a person desirable to have as a friend and to keep as a friend?

Well, as the article says, we seek to fill our needs. I do not do this consciously, but I find myself drawn to certain people. I’ve tried to figure out why those people.

I’ll use an example of someone what was on my Facebook friends list for some time until we became much closer friends as of perhaps 13 months ago or so. I’ll just call her Diana.

She is one of those half-dozen people whose posts I always look for first; if I haven’t seen them on my timeline I go to their wall to check them out. I notice whether or not she likes or comments on what I’ve posted. Why?

The reason, of course, is that I feel better after my interactions with her, but why is that so?

I’ve thought about it: I think that she is informed, but others are more so. But she is witty and funny; she frequently makes me laugh. That is something of value.
She has “friendship skills” (subtle ways of making someone feel special); that is something of value.
But there is something more. I’ve found out that she, along with her husband, are raising kids that really aren’t theirs because the kids parents cannot (or will not) properly care for them. That is a life changing decision.
Now that has nothing directly to do with me. BUT, I respect that and it challenges me to do better. I sometimes find myself struggling to show patience with some family members…and Diana’s example leads me to challenge myself: “if she can do THAT, I can be civil for an hour or two…”

This sort of thing carries over to other things. Example: Mamma T (and many others) have hung in there to finish marathons and ultramarathons. No, that has no intrinsic value to me. But since it is my goal to finish such things..I sometimes draw on their example when I am deep in the race, hurting, slightly sick and disgusted with my own performance. I find myself thinking “T, David, Mat, Damon, Donna, Jennifer, Mary, Steve, Robert, Cassie, Frederick (etc. too many to name them all) wouldn’t quit just because it was hard…so do you deserve their company or not?” And it motivates me to stay with it. Their success, while hardly professional level, still has value to me and I think that is part of what makes them desirable friends to have. The blunt truth if that they were quitters, I wouldn’t be as interested in their friendship. That isn’t a conscious decision, it just “is”.

So to me, you aren’t necessarily your job, you, to me, ARE what you do. And yes, there are some who I do identify with their jobs (example: Rory the physicist, Linda the lawyer, Ann the businesswoman, Lynn the accountant) but…part of what attracts me to them is that they are good at those jobs and have tangible proof of it. Again, this isn’t a conscious decision on my part.

Baseball
We had a nice Bradley vs. Eureka baseball game: Bradley raced to a 9-1 lead after 6 innings and withstood a scary 4 run “top of the 9’th” rally to win 9-7. Eureka started and closed their scoring with home runs by their burly first baseman; a solo shot early and then a 3 run blast in the 9’th. He went 4-5 with a double in addition to the 2 home runs.

It was entertaining (though a bit too entertaining in the 9’th) and it was BU’s 3’rd win for this weekend.

Here is early action:

And the cool drizzle, plus a couple of other athletic events on campus kept attendance down a bit.

Workout notes

2 mile walk
weights: rotator cuff, pull ups (5 sets of 10, went well)
bench pres: 10 x 135, 5 x 185, 5 x 185 (empty gym…did not push for 6 reps)
incline press: 10 x 135 (strict)
dumbbell military press: 10 x 50, 10 x 45, 10 x 45 (standing)
rows: 3 sets of 10 x 110
abs: 2 sets of 10 yoga leg lifts, 12 twist crunches, 10 yoga bridges (half)
in between the upper body stuff I did 8 x 5 goblet squats: 0, 35, 45, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 and, ironically, the best set was the one with 65. I also got 10 x 250 leg press…almost gave myself a headache.

Then I did a 4 mile walk to finish it off.

March 27, 2017

## And the Laplace Transform offends…

This Friday, we start Laplace Transforms in differential equations. By “Laplace Transforms”, we mean the usual simplified Laplace Transform we teach to beginning differential equations students; we do not know what a Lebesgue or a Stieltjes integral is.

That reminded me of what happened in my first differential equations course, back in the fall of 1978. I was sitting next to Vince and the instructor wrote the following on the board:

That, of course, is the gamma function (think of it as a way to extend the factorial function into a continuous function on the reals, though there is a more general version). If you must know, for positive real numbers, $\Gamma(x) = \int^{\infty}_0 t^{x-1} e^{-t} dt$. This is a convergent improper integral for $x > 0$

Never mind that.

Vince said “box of x, what is box?” I replied “that is the gamma function, Vince”.

“Box…what’s box? They are just making stuff up! They are making it up as they go along!” Vince was just so offended by the gamma function!

Anyway, that is a memory that made me chuckle; and yes, Vince ended up passing the course.

Workout notes: Not sure what was wrong; my nose is runny and I had a tough time breathing in the gym as the pace got harder (heat? dehydration? allergies?) So my planned 10 minute warm up, 10 x (2:30 at 6.7, 2:30 at 5.3) workout became 10 minute warm up, 6 x (2:30 at 6.7, 2:30 at 5.3) followed by a 5 minute walk, then enough running to get me to 6.1 miles in 1:05, and 1:44 more of walking to get me to 10K in 1:06:44.

I call that a “rescue of a workout”; for me, a 10K training run at under 11 minutes per mile is a valid training run, and I did get some pace changes.

March 22, 2017

## Tough loss for Illinois State

What is a safe lead in basketball? Answer: a “win”. Illinois State stated with very hot 3 point shooting (5 of 7) and took a 33-15 lead with 4:07 to go in the first half and lead 36-23 at the half.

In the second half, Central Florida started to attack the basket more but ISU still lead 52-42 with just under 11 minutes to go.

Still, the UCF guards penetrated and their 7′ 6″ center (not a misprint) seemed to be more comfortable. So while ISU made all 8 of their free throws, UCF made 14-18 and that proved to be the key difference: more attempts from the line.

UCF took the lead for the first time with 1:41 to go (61-60) and used great defense (some good blocked shots) to hold the lead. But with 4 seconds to go, ISU drew a foul and calmly made both free throws to lead 62-61.

On the ensuing play, the UCF guard drew a foul (a force out) with 1.3 seconds to go and made both free throws (madhouse atmosphere) which sealed the win.

It was a terrific basketball game and a great atmosphere; I just wish ISU had gotten one more stop so we could have had a Wednesday game vs. Illinois (who won at home later that evening).

Socially, it was fun for us to go with Vickie and Harry.

Some game action:

Couple selfie:

Our group:

Vickie sizing up the offerings at the concession stand.

March 22, 2017