blueollie

Harsh, blunt but to the point

I’ve referred to this article “6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person”. It starts this way:

Feel free to stop reading this if your career is going great, you’re thrilled with your life, and you’re happy with your relationships. Enjoy the rest of your day, friend, this article is not for you. You’re doing a great job, we’re all proud of you. So you don’t feel like you wasted your click, here’s a picture of Lenny Kravitz wearing a gigantic scarf.

For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here’s the catch — you’re not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I’m a nice guy, I’m honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.

Now…I am not going to do that….not that I haven’t done so. And clearly this article applies to the workplace; really, you are paid your salary to do your job well. And yes, it applies to what WE like: we cheer for champions, we seek the best value for our money; we spend our money on things that work well, we like pilots that can fly well, lawyers that win our case or settlement, doctors and physical therapists that heal us, etc.

But for today, I’ll focus on friendships. And yes, this is very true for me.

I have a variety of friends, both on social media and in person. What makes a person desirable to have as a friend and to keep as a friend?

Well, as the article says, we seek to fill our needs. I do not do this consciously, but I find myself drawn to certain people. I’ve tried to figure out why those people.

I’ll use an example of someone what was on my Facebook friends list for some time until we became much closer friends as of perhaps 13 months ago or so. I’ll just call her Diana.

She is one of those half-dozen people whose posts I always look for first; if I haven’t seen them on my timeline I go to their wall to check them out. I notice whether or not she likes or comments on what I’ve posted. Why?

The reason, of course, is that I feel better after my interactions with her, but why is that so?

I’ve thought about it: I think that she is informed, but others are more so. But she is witty and funny; she frequently makes me laugh. That is something of value.
She has “friendship skills” (subtle ways of making someone feel special); that is something of value.
But there is something more. I’ve found out that she, along with her husband, are raising kids that really aren’t theirs because the kids parents cannot (or will not) properly care for them. That is a life changing decision.
Now that has nothing directly to do with me. BUT, I respect that and it challenges me to do better. I sometimes find myself struggling to show patience with some family members…and Diana’s example leads me to challenge myself: “if she can do THAT, I can be civil for an hour or two…”

This sort of thing carries over to other things. Example: Mamma T (and many others) have hung in there to finish marathons and ultramarathons. No, that has no intrinsic value to me. But since it is my goal to finish such things..I sometimes draw on their example when I am deep in the race, hurting, slightly sick and disgusted with my own performance. I find myself thinking “T, David, Mat, Damon, Donna, Jennifer, Mary, Steve, Robert, Cassie, Frederick (etc. too many to name them all) wouldn’t quit just because it was hard…so do you deserve their company or not?” And it motivates me to stay with it. Their success, while hardly professional level, still has value to me and I think that is part of what makes them desirable friends to have. The blunt truth if that they were quitters, I wouldn’t be as interested in their friendship. That isn’t a conscious decision, it just “is”.

So to me, you aren’t necessarily your job, you, to me, ARE what you do. And yes, there are some who I do identify with their jobs (example: Rory the physicist, Linda the lawyer, Ann the businesswoman, Lynn the accountant) but…part of what attracts me to them is that they are good at those jobs and have tangible proof of it. Again, this isn’t a conscious decision on my part.

Baseball
We had a nice Bradley vs. Eureka baseball game: Bradley raced to a 9-1 lead after 6 innings and withstood a scary 4 run “top of the 9’th” rally to win 9-7. Eureka started and closed their scoring with home runs by their burly first baseman; a solo shot early and then a 3 run blast in the 9’th. He went 4-5 with a double in addition to the 2 home runs.

It was entertaining (though a bit too entertaining in the 9’th) and it was BU’s 3’rd win for this weekend.

Here is early action:

And the cool drizzle, plus a couple of other athletic events on campus kept attendance down a bit.

Workout notes

2 mile walk
weights: rotator cuff, pull ups (5 sets of 10, went well)
bench pres: 10 x 135, 5 x 185, 5 x 185 (empty gym…did not push for 6 reps)
incline press: 10 x 135 (strict)
dumbbell military press: 10 x 50, 10 x 45, 10 x 45 (standing)
rows: 3 sets of 10 x 110
abs: 2 sets of 10 yoga leg lifts, 12 twist crunches, 10 yoga bridges (half)
headstand
in between the upper body stuff I did 8 x 5 goblet squats: 0, 35, 45, 45, 50, 55, 60, 65 and, ironically, the best set was the one with 65. I also got 10 x 250 leg press…almost gave myself a headache.

Then I did a 4 mile walk to finish it off.

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March 27, 2017 - Posted by | Friends, social/political, walking, weight training |

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