You are judged by your results, not by your intentions..

I’ll stick to talking about men for the moment. Lots of times you’ll hear some guy saying “I am a nice guy but the women just don’t like me” or “I can’t get friends”.
Well, to put it harshly, it appears that we are judged by, well, what we do…that is, our results:

For the rest of you, I want you to try something: Name five impressive things about yourself. Write them down or just shout them out loud to the room. But here’s the catch — you’re not allowed to list anything you are (i.e., I’m a nice guy, I’m honest), but instead can only list things that you do (i.e., I just won a national chess tournament, I make the best chili in Massachusetts). If you found that difficult, well, this is for you, and you are going to fucking hate hearing it. My only defense is that this is what I wish somebody had said to me around 1995 or so.


“What, so you’re saying that I can’t get girls like that unless I have a nice job and make lots of money?”

No, your brain jumps to that conclusion so you have an excuse to write off everyone who rejects you by thinking that they’re just being shallow and selfish. I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum. Pretty girls have guys being nice to them 36 times a day. The patient is bleeding in the street. Do you know how to operate or not? (my note: the article started iwth a hypothetical situation of someone dying on the street and needing an operation to live; no one cares if a stranger is nice, but only if they can do the operation)

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, […]

Yep. Harsh. But in my opinion, it reflects reality.

I still remember a conversation I had with a female ex-friend. We were at an NFL game and she said “an NFL kicker has ONE job: make the kick”. And that is right; no one cares if the kicker is a good father, a nice guy, or feels remorseful if they miss a kick. They keep employment if they make kicks and get fired if they miss them, period.
And yes, she was a friend, in part, because she was attractive (shouldn’t matter, but it does) and had professional accomplishments. And she became an ex-friend when she proved to be unreliable (I don’t care about “social anxiety” or other such excuses; if you can’t be where you say you will be, and you don’t possess what you offer, don’t issue an invitation and don’t accept one).


March 24, 2016 - Posted by | social/political | ,

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