Male on female violence: when the woman strikes the first blow

I am thinking of this incident, this incident and this incident.

Yes, these are all different situations; the first started in a dispute over who was first in line to order drinks; the woman lifted her fist (I didn’t know what was being said), he grabbed her arm; she swung and he punched her back.

The second incident was the Ray Rice incident; his fiancee punched him and he hit back a whole lot harder.

The third incident: a woman was arrested for disorderly and violent behavior and while handcuffed and sitting down, she kicked the police officer in the shins and he kicked her back.

In each case: the blow against the woman wasn’t really self defense but retaliation. In each case, the male was in the wrong.

But in some situations, BOTH people can be in the wrong, even if one wrong was worse than the other wrong. In these cases, there is no blameless victim, though in these cases, the wrong of the male was greater because his response was out of proportion to her action.

Example: if a guy at the gym slaps me, I might punch him or try to wrestle him to the ground, but I am not doing to find a gun and shoot him.

If my wife struck me (and that would be completely out of character for her…I mean “brain tumor” out of character), I’d use the minimum amount of force to make myself safe (probably rely on my superior mobility to get out of her reach instead of using force) and possibly restrain her while I got her the help that she needed.

But while I’ve seen many go on and on about “violence against women”, “police violence against the innocent”, etc., I’ve seen little condemnation of the actions of the females.

Sorry, but in these instances, these women really did provoke a violent response. I know that any male would understand that striking the first blow invites retaliation. Why is it different for women?

I am NOT condoning the actions of the males in question; but we already have public condemnation of that, along with noisy, and frankly dubious “why I would have done X, Y, Z to that football player/burly cop” from the internet tough guys who really don’t strike me as being that tough in real life….but hey…on the internet, we can all stand up to Mike Tyson!

What I am commenting on is that violence between men and women isn’t as simple as “when a man hits a woman, he is always wrong and she is always the blameless victim”.

I have zero respect for a woman who thinks that hitting a man is ok and should not have any consequences.


July 8, 2015 - Posted by | social/political |


  1. I believe that no one should be hitting anyone, but I realize we don’t live in a perfect world.

    When I was harassed on the trail, people online and the police officer I spoke to all said, “You should have hit him.” I think I must be a natural pacifist, because I can’t imagine hitting a child, even a child as big as myself who is grabbing my ass. I kind of don’t think I’d hit an adult, either, unless one of my children were in imminent danger.

    I don’t get why anyone would think that violence is anything but a last resort.

    Comment by jenjw4 | July 8, 2015 | Reply

    • “should have” is the wrong phrase; they probably mean “I wish someone would have”, but I suppose I might phrase it as “I wish they would have tried that on a female MAA artist”. Sometimes people don’t learn consequences without violence.

      I am glad you told the police.

      Comment by blueollie | July 8, 2015 | Reply

  2. […] had a discussion on social media about my previous post on this topic and what would show up on my youtube feed but this […]

    Pingback by Women striking the first blow (part II) « blueollie | July 9, 2015 | Reply

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