blueollie

And I get grumpy when I discuss politics….

July 23, 2014 Posted by | humor, political humor | , , | Leave a comment

Curb your enthusiasm (or curb my Republican woman fetish)

cupp.jpg.w560h483

Yeah, I am a minor fetish for politically conservative women. Yes, even dated one, many years ago when President Reagan was in office. I liked her. No, it wasn’t quite like this:

Sure the I am married to a Democrat, but I find her “extra hot” when she gets back from her Rotary Club meetings….

There is some fantasy about “the opposite” as we see about 3:15 into this clip (probably NSFW, though there is no nudity)

Though in my case, the foreplay might be seeing her at the “Dick Cheney nuke ‘em all” fundraiser. She’d be wearing a tweed skirt and glasses. The later, when the action starts…and she’d be yelling: “I am going to **** the Keynesian right out of you, you dirty, stupid hippie”! …..”come on, where is your cruise missile?”…

Well…at least my IRL wife did go to the Mitt Romney rally with me, but not to the John McCain or the Rick Santorum rallies.

July 22, 2014 Posted by | human sexuality, humor | | Leave a comment

Reading too much into it: personal stories (light hearted)

A running friend of mine ordered some race shoes; they were due to come in today. She didn’t want the UPS driver to ring the bell and wake her sleeping kids. So she waited outside for the driver and recalls:

UPS finally arrives with my running shoes. I meet him outside so he doesn’t ring the bell and wake the babies. He sees me coming with a big shit eating grin on my face and kinda giggles.

Me: Sorry, you have my running shoes, hehe.

UPS guy: That’s cool.(gives me the once over) You look like you’ve been waiting for me.

Me:(feeling myself kinda blush because he’s kinda cute[okay, he was VERY attractive] and I’m not sure what he means but it’s coming off as flirtatious) Um, yea. It’s been a while.

As soon as that comes outta my mouth I think to myself “OMG why did you just say that?!” and my face turns red.

UPS guy:(turning BEAT red) Hhe, hhe, Well, I’m glad I could help you with that. Hope you enjoy.

We both awkwardly walk away and it’s then that I realize what he meant by looking like I’m waiting for him: I’m wearing HEAD TO TOE running gear complete with shoes, capris and a race shirt

#facepalm

Here is my “sort of similar” story:

I was running on a hotel treadmill; this was a large hotel that had a very large health club. There was a row of steppers/elliptical trainers behind the treadmills and a woman was on one of them; she was wearing headphones.

As I got cranked it up I heard her say (in one of those voices one uses when one thinks they are talking to themselves but they are speaking aloud):

“Shake it BABY!!! Nice butt!”

I kind of grinned and started to crank it up a bit.

Then I looked at the TV screen; there was a professional athlete (male) on the screen…rear view of him.

D E F L A T I O N. :-)

July 15, 2014 Posted by | human sexuality, humor, running | , , | Leave a comment

Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm Stress Test

Ok, true story for me: back in 1999, I decided to get one of those “heart scans”. At the time, I was 39 and had some chest pains; the doctor correctly diagnosed it as acid reflux. But I saw the ad in the paper for a 300 dollar heart scan and so I signed up for one.

Yes, it showed “no plaque” but that isn’t the point here.

I was in decent shape (20:30 5k, 1:34 half marathon) and my resting heart rate was in the 40′s; too low for the scan to work properly.

But, fortunately for me, my heart barely made it to 50 for the scan. Why?

The tech was this slender-curvy bottle blonde (sort of the gum-smacking I-Hop waitress stereotype) and wore perfectly transparent white hospital pants; her cute little bikini briefs were completely visible. That got me from 48 to 50…hence the test.

July 9, 2014 Posted by | human sexuality, humor | , , | Leave a comment

Excellent cat meme

catnotahunter

OK, I sometimes look like this when it appears that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. :-)

June 28, 2014 Posted by | humor | | Leave a comment

Ability to recognize satire…

I was having a good old time with this satirical article:

An Austin Superior Court judge sentenced 34 year old Joseph Goldsmith to death row yesterday, after Goldsmith was picked up on his third offense for marijuana possession.

Judge Martin Churchill said during the trial that he had “already seen [Goldsmith] twice” and that “the third time was the charm.”

“If a man cannot get his act together, and he is arrested multiple times for the same crime, then I have no choice but to hand out the swiftest and harshest punishment I can.” Said Churchill. “In this case, the public needs to know how the state of Texas deals with repeat offenders, especially when they are drug-related crimes.”

Goldsmith, who has no other arrests on his report other than the previous two convictions for misdemeanor marijuana possession, was visibly upset when the verdict was read.

“I cannot believe it. This is like a nightmare.” Said Goldsmith, in tears after the hearing. “It was just a couple of joints. This isn’t right.”

Ok, maybe there is a whacked out judge out there that needs to retire but…ok, I might give reader a pass if they didn’t at least do a quick “check this out” prior to reacting. Or something.

But I couldn’t resist commenting just to join in on the fun by telling my story about how marijuana use turned me into a goat:

originalpotpost

As you can tell from the number of “likes” and a few of the comments, many caught on to the joke. A few said it wasn’t funny (in the comments) or made “play along comments”. So that’s ok. But….well…I just found this astonishing:

youryour

burgerkingdumb

unemployeddumb

doyouknoweducated

preyforsole

Oh my goodness. Can people possibly be that stupid?

I have a loud mouth Republican friend who claimed that there are people who are so dumb, they don’t even warrant a minimum wage. I see her point, though my guess is that there are some people who simply do not have an ability to “recognize satire”; something in their brain is turned off.

Come on: I was claiming to have been turned into a goat!

June 27, 2014 Posted by | humor, social/political | | Leave a comment

More Fun: delightful skit with Stephen Hawking

Professor Hawking has a sense of humor.

Hat tip: Why Evolution is True.

June 20, 2014 Posted by | humor, science | | Leave a comment

These butts are too big for me….

Yeah, I like big butts, but these are too big, even for me.

June 16, 2014 Posted by | humor | | 1 Comment

Love life: is this a deal breaker?

Ok, there are really three different questions here: if she has “I wish this were different characteristic X”:

1. Is she ok to do Platonic stuff with? I am probably not going to deal with this question because I have friends of both sexes with many different characteristics, including one who liked Sarah Palin! (I kid you not). I can run, hike or watch a ball game with just about anyone of any religious, political or philosophical persuasion provided they aren’t violent or just plain immoral (e. g. KKK member, Al Qaeda member, etc.)

2. Is she ok to have some sexual fun with? Ok, in theory I suppose the criteria in “1″ could apply here, but, well, as a young man…well, those days are over and I married the only two women I got “close to”, so to speak. As an older guy…well…ok, I’ll skip this one because I don’t know what I am talking about. The way I am configured, 2 at least makes me consider 3 so:

3. Is she relationship material?

This is the question I’ll deal with. Note: I am not looking as I love my wife (and like her too). In fact, her characteristics has influenced what I think that I’d like were I ever single again.

So, were I in the market: she’d have to submit a CV/resume with an essay and letters of reference that address…..oh wait…too many search committees. :-)

Characteristics

Political

I think that I’d consider an educated, “strong on defense” but thinks that “supply side economics is the way to go” type of person. Someone who liked Senator McCain, Governor Romney or Governor Huntsman would probably be tolerable.

What I can’t deal with is the rabid “Obama is a Kenyan Muslim who should be impeached just…well…BENGHAZI! IRS! Obamacare!” moron.

In short: National Review Republican: possibly ok. NewsMax Republican: won’t work. The American Conservative Republican: possibly ok. Thinks Fox News is “Fair and Balanced” no way.

Religious

It depends on the kind of believer. If the person thinks that praying to deity X will physically alter the events of the current universe: nope. That is a belief in magic.

If a person thinks that prayer changes THEM and makes them more centered and balanced: fine!

Belief in an anthropomorphic puppet master: yuck! Belief in some amorphic spirit, force, etc. that doesn’t have human emotions: probably ok.

Most mainstream educated Unitarians, Christians and Jews would probably be ok; I don’t know enough about the other religions to make a statement about those of other faiths.

Other stuff: I won’t get into that as that gets away from the spirit of this post. Let’s just say that, the older I get, the more I am willing to admit that I find a wide range of women to be attractive. I really don’t care what others find “hot”.

May 8, 2014 Posted by | humor, social/political | , , | Leave a comment

Irreverent but…..I laughed

May 7, 2014 Posted by | humor | , | Leave a comment

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