The Bible and Morality

Many still claim to get their morals from the Bible. Well, what does the Bible actually say?

The following is a very incomplete list but is nevertheless a valid list.

1. How do you determine if someone is guilty? Answer: gamble. We read from the Book of Joshua, Chapter 7:

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Joshua next sent men from Jericho to Ai, which is near Bethel on its eastern side, with instructions to go up and reconnoiter the land. When they had explored Ai,
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they returned to Joshua and advised, “Do not send all the people up; if only about two or three thousand go up, they can overcome Ai. The enemy there are few; you need not call for an effort from all the people.”
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About three thousand of the people made the attack, but they were defeated by those at Ai,
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who killed some thirty-six of them. They pressed them back across the clearing in front of the city gate till they broke ranks, and defeated them finally on the descent, so that the confidence of the people melted away like water.
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Joshua, together with the elders of Israel, rent his garments and lay prostrate before the ark of the LORD until evening; and they threw dust on their heads.
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“Alas, O Lord GOD,” Joshua prayed, “why did you ever allow this people to pass over the Jordan, delivering us into the power of the Amorites, that they might destroy us? Would that we had been content to dwell on the other side of the Jordan.
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Pray, Lord, what can I say, now that Israel has turned its back to its enemies?
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When the Canaanites and the other inhabitants of the land hear of it, they will close in around us and efface our name from the earth. What will you do for your great name?”
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The LORD replied to Joshua: “Stand up. Why are you lying prostrate?
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Israel has sinned: they have violated the covenant which I enjoined on them. They have stealthily taken goods subject to the ban, and have deceitfully put them in their baggage.
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If the Israelites cannot stand up to their enemies, but must turn their back to them, it is because they are under the ban. I will not remain with you unless you remove from among you whoever has incurred the ban.

[...]

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In the morning you must present yourselves by tribes. The tribe which the LORD designates shall come forward by clans; the clan which the LORD designates shall come forward by families; the family which the LORD designates shall come forward one by one.
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He who is designated as having incurred the ban shall be destroyed by fire, with all that is his, because he has violated the covenant of the LORD and has committed a shameful crime in Israel.”
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1 Early the next morning Joshua had Israel come forward by tribes, and the tribe of Judah was designated.
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Then he had the clans of Judah come forward, and the clan of Zerah was designated. He had the clan of Zerah come forward by families, and Zabdi was designated.
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Finally he had that family come forward one by one, and Achan, son of Carmi, son of Zabdi, son of Zerah of the tribe of Judah, was designated.

“Designated”? This sounds a bit like The Lottery to me.
Read from Exodus 28:

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4 In this breastpiece of decision you shall put the Urim and Thummim, that they may be over Aaron’s heart whenever he enters the presence of the LORD. Thus he shall always bear the decisions for the Israelites over his heart in the LORD’S presence.

Wow! CSI would have been a boring show. But just think: we could do away with all of that DNA evidence and just throw “sacred dice”!

So what happened?

2. You kill the whole family for the transgression of one.

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Joshua said to Achan, “My son, give to the LORD, the God of Israel, glory and honor by telling me what you have done; do not hide it from me.”
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Achan answered Joshua, “I have indeed sinned against the LORD, the God of Israel. This is what I have done:
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Among the spoils, I saw a beautiful Babylonian mantle, two hundred shekels of silver, and a bar of gold fifty shekels in weight; in my greed I took them. They are now hidden in the ground inside my tent, with the silver underneath.”
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The messengers whom Joshua sent hastened to the tent and found them hidden there, with the silver underneath.
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They took them from the tent, brought them to Joshua and all the Israelites, and spread them out before the LORD.
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Then Joshua and all Israel took Achan, son of Zerah, with the silver, the mantle, and the bar of gold, and with his sons and daughters, his ox, his ass and his sheep, his tent, and all his possessions, and led them off to the Valley of Achor.
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Joshua said, “The LORD bring upon you today the misery with which you have afflicted us!” And all Israel stoned him to death
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“him”? The KJV says “them”. A Jewish version has it:

And Joshua, and all Israel with him, took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver, and the mantle, and the wedge of gold, and his sons, and his daughters, and his oxen, and his asses, and his sheep, and his tent, and all that he had; and they brought them up unto the valley of Achor. 25 And Joshua said: ‘Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day.’ And all Israel stoned him with stones; and they burned them with fire, and stoned them with stones

In short, the whole family was killed. We have better justice now-a-days.

What happened next?

3. Murder a whole town if they are on land that you want.

Read on (Joshua, Chapter 8)

The king of Ai saw this, and he and all his army came out very early in the morning to engage Israel in battle at the descent toward the Arabah, not knowing that there was an ambush behind the city.
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Joshua and the main body of the Israelites fled in seeming defeat toward the desert,
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till the last of the soldiers in the city had been called out to pursue them.
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Since they were drawn away from the city, with every man engaged in this pursuit of Joshua and the Israelites, not a soldier remained in Ai (or Bethel), and the city was open and unprotected.
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Then the LORD directed Joshua, “Stretch out the javelin in your hand toward Ai, for I will deliver it into your power.” Joshua stretched out the javelin in his hand toward the city,
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and as soon as he did so, the men in ambush rose from their post, rushed in, captured the city, and immediately set it on fire.
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By the time the men of Ai looked back, the smoke from the city was already sky-high. Escape in any direction was impossible, because the Israelites retreating toward the desert now turned on their pursuers;
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for when Joshua and the main body of Israelites saw that the city had been taken from ambush and was going up in smoke, they struck back at the men of Ai.
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Since those in the city came out to intercept them, the men of Ai were hemmed in by Israelites on either side, who cut them down without any fugitives or survivors
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except the king, whom they took alive and brought to Joshua.
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All the inhabitants of Ai who had pursued the Israelites into the desert were slain by the sword there in the open, down to the last man. Then all Israel returned and put to the sword those inside the city.
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There fell that day a total of twelve thousand men and women, the entire population of Ai.
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Joshua kept the javelin in his hand stretched out until he had fulfilled the doom on all the inhabitants of Ai.

You can read about the routine ethnic cleansings in later chapters; this is from Chapter 11:

1 When Jabin, king of Hazor, learned of this, he sent a message to Jobab, king of Madon, to the king of Shimron, to the king of Achshaph,
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and to the northern kings in the mountain regions and in the Arabah near Chinneroth, in the foothills, and in Naphath-dor to the west.
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These were Canaanites to the east and west, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites and Jebusites in the mountain regions, and Hivites at the foot of Hermon in the land of Mizpah.
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They came out with all their troops, an army numerous as the sands on the seashore, and with a multitude of horses and chariots.
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2 All these kings joined forces and marched to the waters of Merom, where they encamped together to fight against Israel.
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The LORD said to Joshua, “Do not fear them, for by this time tomorrow I will stretch them slain before Israel. You must hamstring their horses and burn their chariots.”
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Joshua with his whole army came upon them at the waters of Merom in a surprise attack.
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The LORD delivered them into the power of the Israelites, who defeated them and pursued them to Greater Sidon, to Misrephoth-maim, and eastward to the valley of Mizpeh. They struck them all down, leaving no survivors.
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Joshua did to them as the LORD had commanded: he hamstrung their horses and burned their chariots.
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At that time Joshua, turning back, captured Hazor and slew its king with the sword; for Hazor formerly was the chief of all those kingdoms.
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He also fulfilled the doom by putting every person there to the sword, till none was left alive. Hazor itself he burned.
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Joshua thus captured all those kings with their cities and put them to the sword, fulfilling the doom on them, as Moses, the servant of the LORD, had commanded.
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However, Israel did not destroy by fire any of the cities built on raised sites, except Hazor, which Joshua burned.
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The Israelites took all the spoil and livestock of these cities as their booty; but the people they put to the sword, until they had exterminated the last of them, leaving none alive.

So there you have it: guilt by dice throwing, execution of an entire family, and mass murder.

But wait, there is more.

4. It is acceptable to offer your daughters up to be gang raped.

What happens when men come to your door and want to rape your male house guest? See Genesis 19:

Before they went to bed, all the townsmen of Sodom, both young and old–all the people to the last man–closed in on the house.
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They called to Lot and said to him, “Where are the men who came to your house tonight? Bring them out to us that we may have intimacies with them.”
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Lot went out to meet them at the entrance. When he had shut the door behind him,
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he said, “I beg you, my brothers, not to do this wicked thing.
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I have two daughters who have never had intercourse with men. Let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you please. But don’t do anything to these men, for you know they have come under the shelter of my roof.”

Offer to let the men rape your daughters!

But wait, there is more: What happens when you make a bet that you can’t cover? Let’s see what the Biblical hero Samson does (chapter 14)

5. Murder and stealing are an acceptable way to settle up gambling debts.

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2 So Samson went down to Timnah with his father and mother. When they had come to the vineyards of Timnah, a young lion came roaring to meet him.
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But the spirit of the LORD came upon Samson, and although he had no weapons, he tore the lion in pieces as one tears a kid.
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However, on the journey to speak for the woman, he did not mention to his father or mother what he had done.
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Later, when he returned to marry the woman who pleased him, he stepped aside to look at the remains of the lion and found a swarm of bees and honey in the lion’s carcass.
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So he scooped the honey out into his palms and ate it as he went along. When he came to his father and mother, he gave them some to eat, without telling them that he had scooped the honey from the lion’s carcass.
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His father also went down to the woman, and Samson gave a banquet there, since it was customary for the young men to do this.
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3 When they met him, they brought thirty men to be his companions.
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Samson said to them, “Let me propose a riddle to you. If within the seven days of the feast you solve it for me successfully, I will give you thirty linen tunics and thirty sets of garments.
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But if you cannot answer it for me, you must give me thirty tunics and thirty sets of garments.” “Propose your riddle,” they responded; “we will listen to it.”
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So he said to them,
“Out of the eater came forth food,
and out of the strong came forth sweetness.” After three
days’ failure to answer the riddle,
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I agree; those who were stumped threatened the wife. But what happened when Samson had to pay up? How did he do it?

On the seventh day, before the sun set, the men of the city said to him,
“What is sweeter than honey,
and what is stronger than a lion?”
He replied to them,
“If you had not plowed with my heifer,
you would not have solved my riddle.”
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The spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon, where he killed thirty of their men and despoiled them; he gave their garments to those who had answered the riddle. Then he went off to his own family in anger,

So murder some people, steal their stuff, and pay off your debts!

Finally, what do you do with people who have “wrong” conceptions of God?

6. Kill people who worship other gods.

Let’s let Elijah answer: (Kings 18)

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Now summon all Israel to me on Mount Carmel, as well as the four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal and the four hundred prophets of Asherah who eat at Jezebel’s table.”
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So Ahab sent to all the Israelites and had the prophets assemble on Mount Carmel.
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Elijah appealed to all the people and said, “How long will you straddle the issue? If the LORD is God, follow him; if Baal, follow him.” The people, however, did not answer him.
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So Elijah said to the people, “I am the only surviving prophet of the LORD, and there are four hundred and fifty prophets of Baal.
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Give us two young bulls. Let them choose one, cut it into pieces, and place it on the wood, but start no fire. I shall prepare the other and place it on the wood, but shall start no fire.
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You shall call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD. The God who answers with fire is God.” All the people answered, “Agreed!”
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Elijah then said to the prophets of Baal, “Choose one young bull and prepare it first, for there are more of you. Call upon your gods, but do not start the fire.”
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Taking the young bull that was turned over to them, they prepared it and called on Baal from morning to noon, saying, “Answer us, Baal!” But there was no sound, and no one answering. And they hopped around the altar they had prepared.
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When it was noon, Elijah taunted them: “Call louder, for he is a god and may be meditating, or may have retired, or may be on a journey. Perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”
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They called out louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until blood gushed over them.
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Noon passed and they remained in a prophetic state until the time for offering sacrifice. But there was not a sound; no one answered, and no one was listening.
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Then Elijah said to all the people, “Come here to me.” When they had done so, he repaired the altar of the LORD which had been destroyed.
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He took twelve stones, for the number of tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the LORD had said, “Your name shall be Israel.”
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He built an altar in honor of the LORD with the stones, and made a trench around the altar large enough for two seahs of grain.
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When he had arranged the wood, he cut up the young bull and laid it on the wood.
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“Fill four jars with water,” he said, “and pour it over the holocaust and over the wood.” “Do it again,” he said, and they did it again. “Do it a third time,” he said, and they did it a third time.
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The water flowed around the altar, and the trench was filled with the water.
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At the time for offering sacrifice, the prophet Elijah came forward and said, “LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things by your command.
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Answer me, LORD! Answer me, that this people may know that you, LORD, are God and that you have brought them back to their senses.”
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The LORD’S fire came down and consumed the holocaust, wood, stones, and dust, and it lapped up the water in the trench.
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Seeing this, all the people fell prostrate and said, “The LORD is God! The LORD is God!”
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Then Elijah said to them, “Seize the prophets of Baal. Let none of them escape!” They were seized, and Elijah had them brought down to the brook Kishon and there he slit their throats.

Note: in this account, “God” was causing a drought because Israel was worshiping this other God.

Now what do you do with indolent kids who make fun of older people? You send bears to tear them limb from limb!

7. Death is appropriate for someone who makes fun of a religious figure.

See 2 Kings, Chapter 2:

2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.
2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Update So, is it a surprise when this happens:

I’ve been hiding from the horrible news in the Middle East, but this story induced me to poke my head out of my tortoise shell…so I can puke. A rabbi consulted his holy books to see what God had to say about the vicious violence going on right now, and you can guess what God’s word might be:

Eliyahu ruled that there was absolutely no moral prohibition against the indiscriminate killing of civilians during a potential massive military offensive on Gaza aimed at stopping the rocket launchings.